Okay, so here’s the skinny.
First off, you haven’t seen me for about a week because well, life happens. And that is what I will be blogging about today. ME, and my life. Oh, and Coach Laura did do such a good job in my absence and for that I am thankful 🙂 She’s great!
Okay, well here’s whats been going on with me. I got really sick one day after working out last week, and we have come to the conclusion that I was really dehydrated. So, now that I am recovered I have so much to share with you about what I have learned about me.
You see, when I first met Laura about 6 weeks ago, I told her that I was really happy with my life. Just not my weight loss. And that was completely true (even though, then, she didn’t believe me) The thing was however, I have tried to lose weight more times then I could even tell you.
I grew up in a household where I was a latchkey kid, and I was always snacking and making my own food. And honestly what 12 year old really knows how to eat healthy. So for me it was the way of life. And then I watched my wonderful mother try diet after diet. She would lose and then gain, and on and on. We’ve been there. But, as an adult, I too feel like I was always “trying” to lose weight.
I tried with my husband, I tried with my best friend, and with random strangers. And after about 3 weeks, 6 tops, I would quit. It was hard, or I couldn’t afford the right foods. You know the excuses, I certainly don’t need to list them here.
Having five kids I never really decided that I was important enough for me. There has always been new shoes to buy, new sports to pay for, or this birthday or that item that always seemed to be more important then me finding the time or money to get in shape. I was even willing to pay for my husband to go to a gym, but not me. We just didn’t have the time or money.
Or at least that is what I kept telling myself. I was becoming a martyr to my life, and I was becoming increasingly more and more upset. And that isn’t even the word for it. I was angry at me really. I loved everything that I had in my life. My husband, my kids, my little doggie, and my house. I really have a great life.
But I realized that I wasn’t taking any time for me, and that caused one disgruntled momma. And on top of that, I really didn’t want to be overweight. I mean who does? But I was convinced that it was all okay for me, it was the life that I was going to lead.
You see, every time that I had tried to lose weight either by myself or with “help from loved ones”. I kept hearing all the little voices about being a failure. That I wasn’t good enough, and I would never be thin, so why try. And not only that when the others around me stopped trying to lose then I felt like HAD to as well because I didn’t want to create hurt feelings. Some of you out there know exactly what I mean because you might there right now.
You see, I am in this strange place right now. We are on week 5 (for me) and I am not only not going to quit, but I am looking into because a fitness instructor as a career. And I what I don’t want is anyone to feel bad because of where they are at when they look at me. I want the very opposite. I want each person to see me, and know they too can reach their goals. I want people to know that I am doing this because it is ALL ABOUT ME.
Something I realized this very afternoon I had been wrestling with for about a week or so now. I have had people comment about needing a personal trainer to stay accountable. And yes, I suppose that Laura does a great job at that. And when people have asked, that is what I have answered. “Yep, I need her to keep me on track.” But, my insides felt like there was so much more to it then that. And then it hit me today. I don’t need her to hold me to working out, or even to eating healthy. I have been managing that just fine. I HAVE NEEDED HER TO BE MY CHEERLEADER! That is what hit me today. I needed somebody to tell me that I was doing a good job when I wanted to give up, and that I am not a failure. And selfishly, I needed it to be a time when the focus was completely about me.
Quite a few of you may be reading this and know me personally. Maybe you have noticed a change lately. I am happy. A different happy. Well that is because I get it now. For the first time in my life, I realize that I am beautiful. I can quit thinking that everyone in the room is prettier then me, or smaller then me. I am a great person, and I am worth getting to know (if you don’t all ready know me). And as vain as it sounds… I really love me.
I want you to know, that I want that for you too! You deserve to be the best YOU that you can be! You deserve good health. You are SO worth it! I do hope that through my journey you can find strength when you need some, and that if there are things that are holding you back, that you will encouraged to discover them. If you ever have questions for me, or for Coach Laura you can leave them in the comment line, or feel free to email us!