When Self-Sabotage rears it’s ugly head…

So we are coming up now on weigh in week.  This can be good news for some, and terrible news for others.  This is a point where you need to maintain your awareness, even if you have a good weigh in . . . let me replace that with, especially if you have a good weigh in.  This can be the time when all of those self destructive behaviors rise up and challenge your commitment.  We will cover one today!

THE 3 R’s

This is much different than reading, writing and arithmetic (this is probably why spelling was never my thing!).  Let’s talk about the effects of these 3 R’s.

Have you ever been losing weight and gone to the store to pick up your lettuce, broccoli and cauliflower, wondering what the heck kale is and how you make it and how you’re going to make these vegetables taste different this week because you can’t stand to eat another piece of raw broccoli . . . when suddenly, from the back of the store a bag of Oreos starts to call your name.  You think about it . . “I have been really good this week”,  “Laura says I should deny myself all sweets”,  “I will get them and eat just 2, then give them to the kids”, “2 Oreos won’t kill me.”
Then before you know it, you are at home in front of the TV reaching into a now empty bag of OREOS wondering where they all went.  Surely you didn’t just eat an entire bag of OREOS?  Confused, you peer into the bag, cookie crumbs falling off your shirt where they landed in your binge.  Yup, empty!  Then you think,”Wow! I did it AGAIN.”

That is the 3 R’s

Or have you ever found yourself mid way through the day at work and then someone throws you a curve ball?  Suddenly you’re now responsible for reports that your co-worker has already botched up . . . AND because they didn’t get them done right to begin with, they are due in 2 days.  “OK, guess I had nothing better to do”.
Then when you leave work you start running the kids to swimming and ball practice and at the end they tell you they each have 1-2 hours of homework that they will need your help with tonight.  “GREAT!”
That’s when you realize you have no plan for dinner and the kids are already whining, and you know your spouse is sitting at home but there’s no way he has started dinner yet.  GRRRRRRRRRR!
“Let’s go out tonight!” you say, knowing that this is not in the family budget, but oh well you will make it work, you always do.  The kids want mexican and even though you know there is not much there you can eat on your current plan, it is just easier to say yes.  Looking over the menu you think well maybe I could get this, or that, or . . .
You end up eating 1/2 a basket of chips yourself before your “Special Dinner” arrives with tamale, enchilada, burritos, chili relleno, and a chalupa.  You ordered it “intending” to “take some home” but before you know it, you have a clean plate and a stomach ache.

That is the 3 R’s

Have you ever sat around on a lazy Sunday afternoon by yourself, trying to decide what you will do with your day? You decide on a quick snack, then you’ll do something.  But after eating your wasabi almonds you realize you now want something sweet . . . then you’re in the mood for some pickles . . . then . .
And the cycle begins.  You don’t end up doing anything at all that day beside TV, Facebook and binge snacking.

This too is the 3 R’s

What are the R’s?

RESENTMENT

RESISTANCE

REVENGE

Resentment:
a feeling (or emotion) of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.  Reactions often look like, anger, frustration, sadness, jealousy and hate.

As humans we are in resentment all the time.  Someone cuts you off in traffic, and you think, “Hey I am driving here!”   Your husband leaves his clothes on the floor, “Am I your maid?”   Someone that you love is hurt badly,  “This is just not fair!”

All those are resentment.  Resentment is not accepting what is!  There are many times in many ways that we can be in resentment and many of them are a justified reaction. 30% of our kids in America are overweight or obese.  I believe that is not OK.
(for more information on resentment and the 3 R’s see the book, If How-To’s Were Enough, We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy by Brian Klemmer, available at Impact Fitness)

Resentment is going to occur in a relationship, at your job, or in a new lifestyle change, no matter what you do.  The question is How are you going to handle resentment when it comes up for you? 

Handle it well or it will turn into . . .

RESISTANCE:
To exert force in the opposite direction, to put up a wall, or to cut off communication.

You argue with your teenager and they stomp out of the room and slam their door; you think “Good riddance!”  You are resisting each other.  There is a price that is paid for this.
But resistance can look like other things too.  Procrastination, confusion of about a choice big or small, not talking about an issue and when we insist on “being right”, are all examples of resistance.
There is always a price that is paid for resistance.  I suggest you make a list of places in your life you have experienced resistance and the price that you paid for them.  If we pay such a price why do we resist?

Most of the time it’s because we are very clear that what is happening isn’t what we want, and the way to overcome that, we believe, is to “fight for what’s right”,  “to take a stand against it”,  “to show them you’re not going to take it”.

Here is one thing I know:

What you resist persists!

How many of the things that you have been resisting have stopped because you resisted them?

What?

NONE you say?

Why do we do it then??  (That answer is later)

Here’s another thing I know:  If you don’t break out of resistance, you will go to  . . .

REVENGE
“to avenge (as oneself) usually by retaliating in kind or degree” is the dictionary definition, but I will say it is “The attempt to avenge yourself”.

Revenge can be quick (spouse makes you mad, so you yell at them) or a slow burning process (your spouse makes you mad, so you stop making them the dinner he enjoys, stop showing them affection or give them the silent treatment).  But the reason I added the “attempt” to the definition is because it never really works.  The other person, doesn’t “learn their lesson” they just go to revenge against you and it becomes a vicious, vicious cycle.

Revenge is ALWAYS self-destructive.

In today’s entertainment it makes revenge look so glorious (You killed my family and NOW you will pay), but the act of revenge doesn’t really right the wrong (the family is still dead).  It just hurts the individual worse (“I just killed people!”).

What the HECK does any of this have to do with weight loss?

By now you can probably see areas where this is happening in your life, but you may not see the application to weight loss.  It always starts with resentment.   In example 1 above (The OREO binge), what was the person resentful of?    Scroll up, and check it out!

There could have been many things, but what I was thinking of were the diet changes that she had chosen.  Sometimes eating all those veggies can be a challenge.  Maybe you get sick of steamed broccoli but don’t know how else to prepare it.  Perhaps you’re even  forcing yourself to eat foods you don’t LIKE, or quantities that you would rather not eat.  That is resentment!
“I would rather be eating pizza!”
If your thinking is left unchecked, it turns into resistance.
“I don’t want to eat one more piece of broccoli.”
“Why can’t I eat gluten (or red meat, or chicken, or potatoes, or bread, or whatever else you are avoiding to make your body feel better)?  Other people eat them and they lose weight just fine!  Laura’s silly Blood Type thing is CRAP”

You are now fully into resisting what is.  Fighting against the methods of losing weight that have probably started working for you already.  Fighting against methods that your coach has recommended.  Fighting against things that you have heard every doctor who has ever spoken about weight loss tell you (lean protein, veggies, and exercise).  You are resisting what is because it doesn’t seem “FAIR”.  (insert eye roll here)

Then comes the REVENGE.

You are bound and determined to get your revenge against all these restrictions and rules.  So the bag of OREOs goes down!
Wow!  That really showed your coach!  Well no, it didn’t.  But it really showed that broccoliOops, wrong again.  See, YOU chose to eat vegetables, and YOU chose to go gluten free, and YOU chose to do extra exercise.

You are taking revenge on YOURSELF!  You pay the price!


That is called self-sabotage

and if you have been “trying” to lose weight for a long time you are probably already acquainted with it.

ASSIGNMENT: Look at the other 2 examples (Busy parent eats mexican till stuffed and Sunday afternoon over snack) and tell me what you think the 3 R’s were for each of them.  Send me an email or comment of this blog post and each Biggest Loser that does, will receive a prize for doing the work. 

STOP THE INSANITY
How can you break out of this cycle?

The change happens in your thinking.

You must choose to see things differently;

choose to approach it differently.

When you think, “I just can’t eat another piece of raw broccoli” maybe it is time to try a new recipe.  Google a recipe, try some we have on this blog, or just ask me and you can get great ideas for how to cook veggies.
When you’re strapped for time, ask for help, understand you’re still valuable, stop being superwoman (or man), feeling like you  have to do it all yourself.
When you’re lonely and reaching for food to help, admit it, call a friend, reach out to someone, (hold on to all your judgements) or pray!

It is only by getting really open and honest about what is going on and about who is going to pay the price, that you can make a different  choice.

These new choices may not feel comfortable or even make logical sense of how these contribute to your weight gain at first, but I encourage you to try them and see the results.

If you can see how the 3 R’s is effecting the rest of your life and would like more solutions, again, see the book, If How-To’s Were Enough, We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy by Brian Klemmer, available at Impact Fitness.

Make it a point to break the cycle this week!

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